


Wild Wild West

by Maknatuna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humour, M/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-26 00:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maknatuna/pseuds/Maknatuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel sends Dean and Castiel to Wyoming, Sunrise in 1860 to find a demon who stole an artifact that prevents Lucifer from rising.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wild Wild West

**Wild Wild West**

It was a perfect, lazy day for Team Free Will and they were taking a break from hunting. Bobby was sitting on a couch reading a newspaper while Dean, Sam and Cas were playing cards. The ex-angel was new at it and played awfully. Dean could easily guess his combinations from his facial expressions and the hunter would smirk to himself.

Cas had lost seventh round of poker when Gabriel and Balthazar exploded into the room. The powerful air wave knocked over the chairs and scattered papers around the room.

"What the hell?" Dean yelled and jumped from his seat.

Castiel put the cards down and stared at his brothers. Gabriel and Balthazar together, hmm something serious had to be going on.

"What's happening?" Castiel asked calmly.

Bobby walked towards the new comers and shot an angry look at them. "You two idjits, I don't think you came here because you missed us. Spill the beans," he grumbled.

"Baal stole one of the artifacts, which prevents Lucifer from rising. We need to find him," Gabriel announced.

"We do not have much time," Balthazar added sternly.

"Great. No rest for the wicked." Dean rolled his eyes.

Balthazar went to Bobby's table and moved books and papers aside.

"I will do it myself!" Bobby barked at the angel and put the extra things away.

Meanwhile Balthazar drew a pentagram on the table and put a bowl with herbs in the center. Gabriel stood beside him looking at the bowl. Balthazar mumbled a short incantation and fire flames rose up from the bowl.

"Hmmm, interesting," Balthazar hummed and tapped his chin with fingers.

"What is it?" Sam finally broke the silence, shifting his gaze from one angel to other.

"He's hiding in Wyoming, Sunrise in 1860." Gabriel leaned against the table edge.

"So? Go and get him. You are a friggin archangel, plus you have an aid," Dean pointed at Balthazar.

"That's not that easy, Dean-o," Gabriel began. "He knew that we would suspect him and is well prepared. He wears a special amulet and no angel or demon can find him unless he wants to."

"And what does that mean? How can we help?" Dean folded his arms on his chest.

"We need humans to go there and find out his exact location. That's it. The rest is not your concern." Gabriel pulled a lollipop out of his pocket.

"We already have a plan," Balthazar smirked lopsidedly, which Sam noticed immediately.

"Care to elaborate? What plan?" the younger Winchester huffed impatiently.

"Well, there is this tavern in Sunrise called 'Come in or fuck off' so, if you want to hear any news, gossips etc etc that is the perfect place to go. And we decided that Dean and Castiel will go there." Gabriel grinned mischievously and licked the candy.

"What about us? We gonna sit on a couch and scratch our asses?" Bobby did not like that he was left out.

"If that's what you want to do," Gabriel answered nonchalantly.

"Fine. Let's hit the road then." Dean threw his arms in the air.

"Not so soon. Here is the best part." Balthazar laughed and winked at Gabriel.

Gabriel snapped his fingers and two big bags appeared in front of his chair. "The red bag is yours and the brown one is for Cassy. Put the clothes on."

Castiel bent down and took his bag. He opened it and took out something purple. "What is this?" his eyes widened as he unfolded the thing in his hand. It was a purple dress.

"Oh, you will be disguised as a woman, Cassy." Balthazar was trying his best not to laugh.

Dean almost choked on his beer and was thrown into a violent coughing fit.

"But why?" Castiel stared at his brothers agape.

"Because you are pretty and would make a perfect woman. Also no one will suspect a woman." Gabriel giggled like a five year old and tapped the confused ex-angel on the shoulder.

"Hold your horses," Bobby raised a finger. Five faces stared at him instantly.

"Cas may make a pretty girl, but you are forgetting his voice." The old hunter sipped from his glass of Whiskey.

Right, that was a big problem, indeed. Castiel's deep voice could betray him. They needed a solution.

The thinking process was interrupted by Sam's exclamation. "I think I have an idea. What if Castiel pretends to be mute? The only thing he needs to do is look pretty and listen to the town folks."

Everyone looked at each other and nodded. Except Castiel. He did not like the whole stupid idea at all.

"Go on, get dressed, I said." Gabriel pushed Dean and Castiel towards the stairs. The hunter and the ex-angel looked at each other and slowly walked up the stairs.

"Let the show begin," Balthazar chuckled as he and everyone else waited for the main heroes.

After twenty minutes Dean appeared on the stairs. He had a smug look on his face. Apparently, he was loving it. The hunter was wearing the cowboy boots, black jeans, black velvet vest over the shirt and the duster. Dean was holding a black hat in his hand.

"Yeah I know, I look awesome ain't I?" he touched the belt and instinctively his hand slid over to the holster with a pistol in it.

"Not bad." Gabriel approved with a small nod.

"Where's feathers?" Bobby stared at the stairs doubtfully.

As the answer, there was a loud thud coming from upstairs and then someone cursed.

No one could suppress a chuckle, even Bobby. But chuckling turned into hysterical laughter when Castiel walked down the stairs. He looked so pissed!

Castiel was wearing a purple dress with tiny golden ribbons and black laces and the cowgirl's black leather boots. His hair was more ruffled than ever. Probably he had a tough fight with the dress while trying to put it on.

After the hysteria was over the audience decided to check Castiel's appearance thoroughly.

"You need to shave," Balthazar commented.

"I think his chest looks too flat for a woman," Sam narrowed his eyes.

"Good point. What else?" Gabriel was examining poor Castiel who was feeling awkward.

"Little bit of a make-up probably," Dean decided to participate in the discussion.

"Umm doesn’t he need a wig or something?" Sam looked at Castiel skeptically.

"That will not be necessary after this." Gabriel snapped his fingers once again and Castiel's appearance changed: he had no stubble, but had a perfect make-up: black liner, mascara and light shades were underlining his beautiful blue eyes, while the ex-angel's full lips were covered with a red lipstick. He was wearing sapphire earrings and a golden necklace. Damn, he looked stunning!

"Gabriel, what did you do?" Castiel exclaimed terrified as he touched his breasts.

"Calm down, kiddo. It's a special push-up bra made by me. Feels like real boobs at the touch." The archangel cackled and squeezed Castiel's left 'breast'.

Dean's ears turned red and he swallowed hard, mumbling something under his breath.

"So, listen here. Baal has a black spider tattoo on his left cheek. When you find him, tear the amulet off of him and summon us with this spell." Gabriel gave Dean a small piece of paper.

"I will go and convince the owner of the tavern that Castiel works at his tavern as his assistant," Balthazar added and vanished in a blink of an eye.

"Here, take this." Gabriel threw a small velvet bag at Dean. The hunter opened it and found some jewelry in it.

"To pay for drinks or any other things." The archangel winked at him.

Balthazar exploded into the room once more and Bobby cursed when the air knocked him over. "Damn angel!"

Balthazar glanced at Gabriel and nodded.

"Very well, you can go now, kids. Have a nice time." Gabriel put two fingers on Dean's and Castiel's foreheads and they vanished.

*****

Dean swayed and almost fell down but someone's strong hand grabbed him. The hunter opened his eyes and yelped from unexpectedness.

"Crap, Cas, don't scare me like that!"

"My apologies, I did not intend to frighten you," the ex angel said apologetically.

Castiel cleaned his dress from straws and looked around. "I assume this is for us?" he pointed at a black horse that was tied to a tree. Dean turned his head towards the direction Castiel was showing and frowned.

"Not sure, let's check." He walked towards the horse. Castiel held his dress hems and muttering something under his breath followed the hunter.

"There is a note under the saddle." Dean pulled a small paper out and read:

" _Yes, this horse is for you, dumbasses. Now, get your asses on it. He knows where to go."_

"We need a plan, Dean," Castiel sighed.

"Why don't we just go to the tavern and pretend everything is peachy. You serve drinks and strain your ears. I'll sit nearby and watch over you. If you hear anything important touch your necklace and I will call you to bring me 'another drink'. And for God's sake don't talk! Do not forget that you are mute, ok?" Dean finished his monologue.

"What if Baal comes to the tavern? Then what? How are we going to get his amulet?" Castiel asked doubtfully. He had some bad feelings.

"Honestly? I have no idea, Cas. Let him come and we will think of something. Come on, get on the horse, wench." Dean chuckled as Castiel mounted the horse. The ex angel just growled in response. Dean slightly kicked the horse and they moved from the place.

The animal perfectly knew where to go. Dean wondered what more surprises to expect. Meanwhile they entered the town and the horse turned right to walk into a narrow, dusty street. He snorted and stopped in front of a tavern. As the angels said it had a curious name 'Come in or fuck off'.

Instantly the batwing doors of the tavern swung open and someone literally flew out of there.

"And don't come back without actual*, ya hear me?" someone yelled from inside.

"Damn chucklehead," muttered a drunk man and crawled towards the shadows.

"Lydia, where the hell did ya go?" the same voice yelled enraged.

"Oh, boy, so your name is Lydia?" Dean threw his head back and cackled.

"Not funny, Dean." Castiel turned his head to scowl at the hunter.

"Ok. Now shut up, mute lady," Dean grinned at him.

The batwing doors creaked again and a man with a white apron stepped outside. When he saw the horse and the riders, his angry face turned scarlet red and he roared:

"So, that's where you are! I've been searching for ya for one damn hour and you've been pirooting* with this man? Get your ass over here right now, you painted cat*!"

Castiel startled at hearing unfamiliar words. He did not understand the slangs and his confusion got worse when he felt Dean press his face against his shoulder blades in a silent but violent laughter.

"He just called you a prostitute, Cas," he moaned quietly, still shaking from laughter.

Dean dismounted the horse and helped Castiel get down. "Relax. No need to yell at her," he turned to the tavern owner.

"You must be new here," the man eyed Dean curiously.

"Yeah, and I'm trying to find a good place where I can have couple of drinks." The hunter tried to peek inside the tavern.

"Well, come on in then. I've got the best drinks in the whole area. I'm Charles." The owner opened the doors for Dean.

Dean looked at Castiel before stepping inside. The ex angel looked worried and the hunter felt bad for him. It was like to throw a little lamb in a cage full of lions. He gave Castiel an encouraging smile and they stepped in.

There were twelve tables and eleven were already occupied. Tobacco smoke was mixed with sweat and alcohol smell. The room was full of loud and noisy drunk men, who were laughing, gambling and drinking.

Dean saw a vacant table nearby and immediately occupied the seat. He pulled the hat down to hide his face and started to study the place.

As soon as Castiel walked in, all buzzing and rumbling stopped. A few men whistled deafeningly and shouted some bawdy phrases. Castiel's face turned even paler and he gulped nervously while walking towards the bar counter where pissed off Charles was standing.

The ex angel jumped terrified when someone pinched his ass and turned around to punch the bastard in the face but in the last seconds he remembered that he was playing a woman.

"Hey babe, wanna ride my stallion?" a man laughed at him and swayed on his chair. He was drunk beyond belief. His friends joined him and three men were snickering and licking their lips while devouring Castiel with their eyes.

"Go and take the order from that man," Charles told Castiel and pointed at Dean who was tapping his fingers on the table: a sign that his patience was about to shatter into pieces.

Castiel nodded quickly and went to Dean. Lot of greedy eyes followed him. Castiel stopped at Dean's table staring at him.

"Cas, get me a bottle of Whiskey. How are you hangin’ on? Alright?" the hunter whispered.

The ex angel nodded and huffed exasperated.

"Remember, if you notice or hear anything important touch the necklace," the hunter reminded him.

Castiel went to the bar counter to get Dean's drink.

"So, what does he want? Beer? Liquor? Wine? Whiskey?" Charles asked. At the word 'Whiskey' Castiel nodded and gestured that Dean wanted a whole bottle.

"Wow, poor bastard probably does not know that it's made by my special recipe and is strong like hell!" Charles gave Castiel a bottle and a glass. The ex-angel went to his friend immediately.

"Whoa, this looks strong." Dean looked at the amber colored liquid. "Well, to you my pretty," he snickered and emptied the glass in one gulp. Instantly his eyes watered and he felt his stomach was on fire. "Holly shit!" he almost choked in coughing. "It's damn strong. Not like that crap we usually drink."

The saloon clients started to order more drinks and Charles had to call Castiel. And thus the nightmare for the ex angel of the Lord began….

*****

After almost of four hour working, Castiel was exhausted and he had nothing: no one talked about Baal or even mentioned his name. Dean had drunk half of the bottle and was looking pretty smashed.

Castiel was cleaning one of the tables off spilled tequila, when the planks of the porch creaked under heavy boots and someone panted. A huge shadow stretched under the batwing doors. Dead silence fell and everyone froze in anticipation. Dean who had dozed off instinctively woke up and looked towards the entrance.

Instantly the doors flung open and a giant walked in. He was taller than Sam and much more bulkier. Damn, he just looked like a mountain! With his hand he probably could crush a human skull. The man was wearing all black except the brown, cowboy boots. He had a beard and a spider tattoo on his cheek. Sure thing, it was Baal.

He stopped chewing a straw and with a smug smile looked down at the table where Castiel was frozen to a place with a rug in his hand.

"Hello there, pretty," Baal growled and stepped forward. Castiel winced but did not retreat. The demon towered above him and grinned.

"Get me a bottle of tequila!" he grabbed Castiel's arm while looking him in the eyes. With another hand the demon grabbed a man snoring at the table and sent him into a flight.

"What's your name? I have not seen you here before." Baal's hand travelled from the nervous ex-angel's arm down to his hip, squeezing it slightly.

Castiel gulped worriedly and gestured that he could not speak.

"What a pity, I would've loved to hear you moaning my name," Baal gave him a wry smile. "Go and get my booze."

Castiel gladly obeyed and almost ran at a break-neck speed. After he provided the demon with tequila, he returned to Dean's table with a rug in his hand.

"Dean, what are we going to do?" he whispered when no one was staring at him.

"We need to get his amulet at any cost," the hunter mumbled quietly.

"And how?" Castiel asked as he cleaned the table.

"I don't know, Cas. Maybe you should flirt with him? I saw him talking to you. And I assume he likes you. I don't know, hug him, kiss him, do whatever you want, just get the damn amulet. We must get it at any cost. And when you get that thing give me a sign, raise your left hand." The hunter filled his glass once more.

"Kiss him?" Castiel hissed. "He already wants to have intercourse me!"

Dean spluttered his drink all over himself and turned red as he could not inhale from coughing. Castiel started to smack his back. Finally Dean breathed in.

"If things get worse, I promise I will come to the rescue and beat the shit out of him," Dean assured Castiel.

"Fine," Castiel growled under his breath and returned to the bar counter thinking feverishly what to do.

Baal was eating him with his eyes while drinking tequila. Castiel could see the golden amulet around his neck behind two undone buttons. The demon gestured him to get another glass and approach him.

"Sit down," he smirked at Castiel, as the ex angel came to him with a glass. Baal filled Castiel's glass. "Drink!" he ordered shortly.

Castiel did and he squeezed his eyes shut. He made some choking sounds and Baal smirked. "Yeah, it's a strong shit. You need to relax. I'm not gonna bite ya." He filled Castiel's glass once again.

Meanwhile Dean was watching the scene and trying his best not to pull the gun out and blow the bastard's head off. But he knew it would not kill the demon. So he could not do much.

Castiel had four shots of tequila and everything started to get blurry. He hiccupped and stared at the demon innocently. Baal was not drunk a bit. Damn demon stamina!

"That's better," the demon announced contentedly as drunk Castiel made some incoherent sounds. "Let's have some fun. What d'ya say?" Baal grabbed Castiel's arm and pulled him towards himself. The ex-angel was pretty smashed but he still remembered two things clearly: 1. to get the amulet and 2. that he was mute.

In the next few seconds Castiel found himself sitting in the demon's lap. He tensed and squirmed.

"Now, now stop wriggling, little bird," Baal smirked and cupped the ex-angel's cheek.

"Mmpph…" Castiel gasped into the demon's mouth when Baal attacked his lips and struggled to break free from his deathly grip.

Dean could see everything from his place and was shaking from rage. His knuckles turned white and he rose from the chair. Gut wrenching feelings including jealousy seized him and the hunter made a step forward.

Meanwhile Castiel was fighting with the urge to vomit as the demon was kissing and groping him.

 _"We must get it at any cost."_ Dean's words rang in his mind and Castiel whimpered. He wrapped his arms around Baal's neck and tried his best to show that he was enjoying the process too.

Slowly and very carefully Castiel unlocked the golden chain and slid the amulet into his bra. Then he raised his left hand giving a sign to Dean. He barely managed to do it in time as Baal stood up and sat him on the table. Castiel's eyes widened in fear as the demon slid his hand under his dress pulling it up.

"Mhmm nice little buttocks you've got there," growled the demon and was about to attack the ex angel's mouth again when Dean approached their table.

"Problems, pal?" he asked sharply. The hunter's fingers were dancing on the holster ready to pull the gun out in any second.

"Who the hell are you?" the demon gritted his teeth as Dean interrupted his fun.

"Let her go, now. I will not repeat!" the hunter growled low.

"Or what?" Baal's eyes turned black.

"This!" Dean grabbed the bottle of tequila and smashed it over the demon's head. He had a few seconds before dazed demon came round and kicked him real hard few times. Baal fell over the chair. Castiel jumped from the table and swayed.

"We gotta run, now." Dean was pulling the paper out of his pocket.

"I…I…hic…ca….hic….ant," Castiel slurred and staggered.

"Dammit, Cas." Dean cursed and grabbed the ex-angel. He slung him over the shoulder and ran towards the door. "Read the fucking summoning spell before he killed us!" Dean shouted as he was running towards their horse. Inside the saloon Baal's deafening roar sounded and then heavy boots thudded against the floor.

Castiel moaned bitterly as the urge to vomit attacked him again. He held the paper and started to read. The last word of the incantation sounded and Gabriel with Balthazar appeared right in front of the horse.

"Aw, kidnapping your bride, Dean-o?" Gabriel waggled his eyebrows.

"You dickheads, he's right after us!" Dean yelled at them when he saw the demon behind his back. Baal almost grabbed his duster but the angels were faster.

"Not so fast, honey!" Gabriel flashed thunder from his eyes as he and Balthazar grabbed the demon by the arms.

Baal howled from pain as the sigils appeared on his forehead, which prevented him from vanishing. "How could I not recognize you from the start? I will find and tear you into shreds Dean Winchester!" he roared.

"Go to the field and wait for us. We will be back shortly," Balthazar told the hunter before he and other two disappeared.

Dean hurriedly laid Castiel across the saddle and mounted the horse. He kicked it slightly it in the sides and the horse galloped, neighing happily.

"Dean, stop the horse," Castiel croaked as they entered the field and left the tavern behind. "I am not feeling well."

The hunter obeyed and Castiel jumped on the ground. He fell to his knees breathing heavily and loud. "I hate you…Gabriel…Balthazar…you assholes…" he whimpered and choked a sob.

"Cas?" Dean's eyes widened and he bent down. "Come here," he turned the ex-angel around and wiped some stray tears that had rolled down his cheeks, smearing the make-up. Dean knew it was alcohol to blame that Castiel was feeling like crap.

"Look at me. Everything is over. We're fine." He rubbed his thumb against Castiel's cheek and leaned forward. He locked his mouth with Castiel's. The ex-angel grabbed the lapels of the hunter's duster, pulling him even closer.

"Aaaw is it not sweet?" a familiar voice crooned and the camera flashed.

"Get us out of here, before I fry you extra crispy, sons of bitches!" Dean's nostrils flared.

"Calm down, lover boy," Gabriel chuckled and put two fingers on their foreheads….

*****

As soon as they materialized in Bobby's living room and scared the living hell out of the younger Winchester and the old hunter, Castiel ran to the bathroom with Dean following him.

"What the hell?" Bobby stared at the shut door. As an answer, typical retching sounds came out from the bathroom that made everything clear.

"So, how did it go? Did you get him?" Sam fidgeted on the couch.

"Yep, we got him and he's being interrogated right now," answered the archangel.

"Oh, it was a very nice and a surprising day indeed," Balthazar added with a mischievous tone.

"Surprising? What d'ya mean?" Bobby arched his brow.

Gabriel cleared his throat and handed the camera to the hunter. Sam gasped but Bobby kept quiet.

After awhile he went to the fridge taking a beer out. "I knew it," he muttered under his breath and took a swig.

Slowly the old hunter smirked and added, "Idjits!"

**Slangs of Wild West:**

**Actual** – money

 **Pirooting** – to have sex, intercourse

 **Painted cat** – prostitute


End file.
